i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
