I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pants are for mortals
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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