The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
