My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
