By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
