I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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