Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
