Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
