I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
