I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
