We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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