I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize