I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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