Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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