he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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