He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and i looked up. we had an audience...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
