Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Two words: nipple clamps
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