My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
