my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
