I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
