dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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