So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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