i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
