I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it because I queefed?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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