Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
