i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
