I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
