My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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