i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
