I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
