Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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