How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
