I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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