well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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