Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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