when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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