I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
