She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
