Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
