How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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