just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
two words: eviction party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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