i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
