Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
