so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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