dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm getting married
To pizza
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
