went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
