i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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