i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
