Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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