quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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