Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
