i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
