after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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