After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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