just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
