Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
