Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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